The Stupidest Patents Ever Granted

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We all think we can come up with an easier or faster or more economical way of doing everyday (or super-dangerous) tasks, right? But, then we find out we have friends and family that will help us avoid public shame. Well, these people, apparently, did not. So, get on your dog-poop powered unicycles, and join us as we check out some of the stupidest patents ever granted!
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The Stupidest Patents Ever Granted

“Wearable Device for Feeding and Observing Birds”. In 1999, David Leslie, an apparent bird-lover and mental patient, was allowed to submit this patent that would allow anyone (with approval from the airport tower) to wear this contraption to observe the feeding (and self-defense) rituals of the everyday bird.
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The Stupidest Patents Ever Granted

“Apparatus for Facilitating the Birth of a Child by Centrifugal Force”. In 1965, George and Charlotte Blonsky patented a turntable that gives pregnant women an, um, extra push. The mother-to-be is strapped onto the turntable, which spins fast enough that G-forces help ease the baby out. A “pocket-shaped reception net” catches the newborn and triggers the machine to stop.
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The Stupidest Patents Ever Granted

“Improvement in Vehicles”. Because, being extremely cruel to dogs is better than burdening a horse! In 1875, Parisian inventor Narcisse Hueet patented the “Cynophere,” a dog-powered velocipede. Hueet wrote, “My invention contemplates the employment of dogs or other animals, working within a cage or cages, forming part of the wheels of the vehicle to be propelled.”
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The Stupidest Patents Ever Granted

“Motorcycle Safety Apparel”. Distraught by the devastation that a motorcycle crash wreaks on the human body, Dan Kincheloe patented an inflatable safety suit in 1987. Basically an airbag for your body, the suit has an “umbilical cord” that connects to a supply of compressed gas. When a biker flies off, a shorter pull cord snaps that rapidly inflates the suit. If only he thought to use helium gas, a day’s ride could turn into a balloon flight!
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The Stupidest Patents Ever Granted

“Graffiti Prevention Apparatus”. Henry Hunt was VERY offended by graffiti! So, in 1997, he patented a system that allowed his friends to make fun of him. The idea was to force paint manufacturers to embed a special sensor in EVERY spray can they produce. Then, when a vandal approaches a potential canvas, a sensor embedded in the wall activates a magnetic field that would trigger the can’s sensor to repel the paint, and shut of the nozzle. Genius!
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The Stupidest Patents Ever Granted

“Apparatus for Preventing Collisions of Railway Trains”. It’s like a scarecrow, but for trains. Patented in 1888, J. W. James’ invention features a dummy riding in front of the train. The dummy is “made to throw up both hands at each revolution of the wheel, while striking a gong with a hammer, for the purpose of frightening cattle from the track and to announce the approach of the train”.
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The Stupidest Patents Ever Granted

“Animal Trap”. Mousetraps can be so anticlimactic, but this one goes off with a bang. An 1882 patent submission from the inventor, James Williams, showed a frame that is designed to hold your favorite peashooter. When a rodent steps onto the treadle, a spring yanks on the trigger and sets off the firearm. Which will only do damage to the pest, right? Right.
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The Stupidest Patents Ever Granted

“Double Bicycle for Looping the Loop” For the supremely accident-prone cyclists (or those aspiring to be one) we have something that MTV’s Jackass guys (or their grandparents) could only have dreamed about! Patented in 1905 by Kael Lange.
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The Stupidest Patents Ever Granted

“Flatulence Deodorizer”. Patented in 2001 (What? NOT right after the invention of the wheel?) this personal shame-prevention device is designed to filter your flatulence through a charcoal pad to be free to go on and sin no more! Oh, and there is a thong model available too…
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